Challenges of Third Culture Kids in Mental Health Care

Are you a “third culture kid”? I was. I am.  

If you haven’t heard this term before, here’s what it means:

“A third culture kid is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside their parents’ culture. The third culture kid builds relationships to all the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture are assimilated into the third culture kid’s life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of the same background, other TCKs.”  (Source: TCK World )

The term was first coined by sociologist Dr. Ruth Hill Usseem, who herself was a third culture kid (TCK). When I first read that description of the term many years ago, what really resonated was the part about not having full ownership in either my parents’ cultures (South Asian, Pakistani/North Indian) or the culture of the country we were fully immersed in. (I was raised in the US.) 

My siblings and I had our own culture which was a blend of both, but was something else entirely. It’s as if my parents’ two cultures came together to give birth to a brand new one, just as my parents gave birth to me and my siblings.

Growing up in this setting, each culture was kept separate to prevent them from clashing and to avoid misunderstanding, embarrassment, and rejection. It was easier that way.

Why Third Culture Kids Need Therapists Who Understand

When I sought therapy as a teenager, my experience with mental health care was positive in many ways, but I often had to go to great lengths to explain my unique culture as separate from my parents’ cultures and my peers’ cultures. It was MY culture, something completely new that was tricky to explain to someone who was born and raised in a single culture.

I worked with some fantastic therapists that helped me feel seen in many ways, but I would feel disconnected in these aspects of my life experience. In some ways I would even keep challenges around my multi-cultural background out of therapy or downplay how much something was distressing me for fear that I'd have to spend a good deal of effort explaining, which may or may not have been fully appreciated. 

How a Third Culture Therapist Can Help

My experience is an example of a significant challenge for us third culture kids. We all want to feel like we belong somewhere. We all need to feel seen and understood. We all need spaces where our life experiences may be shared by those around us. And people who straddle two or more cultures may not feel this in many healing spaces. 

In this process of becoming adept at toggling between two or more cultures, we fine tune the skill of adapting, blending, and connecting to others from different backgrounds and cultures,  which is a very useful skill but can also add a good deal of complexity to everyday life. It takes a lot of work and energy to toggle, compartmentalize, shift personalities/personas, juggle social groups and customs, balance obligation to family with obligation to self, etc.!

A therapist who has first hand experience with these challenges has unique insights into the balancing acts and negotiations, the unspoken joys and burdens of the third culture kid. When your therapist understands this complexity, you don’t have to spend half your session explaining it to them. They can provide tools and insights that truly apply to you in your situation, not just to those who were born and raised in a single culture.

And we can never overstate the power of feeling truly understood and how that impacts the healing process overall.

We fully understand these challenges because many of us are third culture kids as well! We grew up with (and still experience) these same challenges and seek to help others navigate the beauty and complexity of this experience while improving their relationships and mental health.

You deserve to feel seen and understood in all aspects of your life. Are you ready to talk to someone? Contact our therapists here.

EDITORIAL NOTE: This is a complex topic, one that I am still navigating myself. As I continue to learn more about the distinctions between third culture kids and children of immigrants, I’ll be sharing more. Watch out for a future post that will cover another aspect of this important conversation.